So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i think i have herpe
just one?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
