i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
