yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
