Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
