Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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