my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
