Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
