I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize