He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
