Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
