3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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