he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
