was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
