he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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