There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
