my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
