dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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