chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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