I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize