She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
