I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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