I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize