His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
