It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
