it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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