she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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