i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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