I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
