i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
