In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
