P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
