I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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