This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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