I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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