Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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