dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
