Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
