we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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