So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
