Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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