Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dick very happy bro
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
