i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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