I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize