But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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