ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
