READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
