It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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