my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize