I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
