You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
