she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
