Im at strip club and am horny
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
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