tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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