She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
