your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.