Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
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his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
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Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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