Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."

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(315): We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah." http://tfl.nu/z1lt

Replies (82) Good night (1519) Bad night (21987)
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(289): View more from Ontario

She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...

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(289): She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you... http://tfl.nu/ajee

Replies (7) Good night (1043) Bad night (3483)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.

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(608): Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him. http://tfl.nu/b6v7

Replies (49) Good night (8909) Bad night (985)
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(712): View more from Iowa

My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!

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(712): My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN! http://tfl.nu/er39

Replies (34) Good night (6731) Bad night (1255)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.

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(412): remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories. http://tfl.nu/emk4

Replies (11) Good night (5716) Bad night (1161)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.

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(303): Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with. http://tfl.nu/dbx0

Replies (18) Good night (4831) Bad night (1806)
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(760): View more from California

I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog

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(760): I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog http://tfl.nu/x4z4

Replies (10) Good night (4034) Bad night (1149)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.

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(605): Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy. http://tfl.nu/ugyo

Replies (3) Good night (3224) Bad night (1088)
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(757): View more from Virginia

Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"

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(757): Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow" http://tfl.nu/vtnd

Replies (8) Good night (2914) Bad night (777)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster

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(870): We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster http://tfl.nu/c1fy

Replies (3) Good night (767) Bad night (1722)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.

(1-701): View more from North Dakota

Jesus, are you hammered?

(701): View more from North Dakota

Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.

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(701): Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus. (1-701): Jesus, are you hammered? (701): Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws. http://tfl.nu/johl

Replies (26) Good night (3945) Bad night (810)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The pigeons can smell the fear

(1+44): View more from

Wtf

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(+44): The pigeons can smell the fear (1+44): Wtf http://tfl.nu/89q6

Replies (4) Good night (1451) Bad night (574)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.

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(908): This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar. http://tfl.nu/pvsf

Replies (4) Good night (1088) Bad night (462)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now

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(604): I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now http://tfl.nu/aqb9

Replies (11) Good night (1873) Bad night (450)
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(239): View more from Florida

The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.

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(239): The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die. http://tfl.nu/hid4

Replies (15) Good night (456) Bad night (1180)

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