Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.

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  (401): i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care. http://tfl.nu/npdd
  Replies (10) Good night (2986) Bad night (663)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.

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  (804): it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself. http://tfl.nu/cxw0
  Replies (12) Good night (545) Bad night (3354)
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.

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  (805): I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense. http://tfl.nu/syxd
  Replies (27) Good night (7038) Bad night (620)
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  (925): View more from California

  no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.

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  (925): no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes. http://tfl.nu/3pwk
  Replies (13) Good night (5645) Bad night (606)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.

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  (660): We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend. http://tfl.nu/9y0s
  Replies (31) Good night (6074) Bad night (720)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.

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  (602): you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer. http://tfl.nu/7uxe
  Replies (16) Good night (6125) Bad night (551)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.

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  (813): Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard. http://tfl.nu/8xvq
  Replies (22) Good night (4111) Bad night (611)
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  (845): View more from New York

  The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.

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  (845): The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor. http://tfl.nu/klg7
  Replies (5) Good night (3887) Bad night (1422)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.

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  (502): She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused. http://tfl.nu/76xl
  Replies (17) Good night (2033) Bad night (2654)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.

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  (260): If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately. http://tfl.nu/6wdr
  Replies (8) Good night (710) Bad night (1784)
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  (516): View more from New York

  yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...

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  (516): yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye... http://tfl.nu/3it0
  Replies (2) Good night (829) Bad night (506)
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  (831): View more from California

  I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.

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  (831): I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life. http://tfl.nu/o2k1
  Replies (0) Good night (527) Bad night (261)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?

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  (267): do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate? http://tfl.nu/3j8j
  Replies (3) Good night (678) Bad night (249)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions

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  (315): Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions http://tfl.nu/t04n
  Replies (0) Good night (399) Bad night (200)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...

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  (850): she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top... http://tfl.nu/vvwb
  Replies (3) Good night (164) Bad night (568)

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