tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"