I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.