Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.