Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
