we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
